It is both hard and easy to write. It is always risky. Risky to share. Yet the urge to express changes, and so far change inspires my writing. I didn't write when Rich was sick and dying, at least not online. When he died, it came pouring out on this public forum. Some expressed how it helped with the loss of a friend, family.
As I continue to evolve into this new universe, this unknown planetary orbit, my view shifts ever so slightly. Rich is no longer my moon, he has drifted deeper into the star formations. He is sparkling night and day, in my eyes and my inner eye. The phases not as defined, the position stays the same as I move.
Grateful for winter, the shorter daylight. Morning and night are much darker, easier to miss the transitions because of awake business, my clock keeps me aware. Up at 5:30 I get ready to help two little kids up and out, missing their own mother. We watch the sky turn color together.
I've watched the sun set the last few months within the orbit of another neighbor, Joel. A new friendship with the warmth of love. Aligned as time progresses, we watch Venus in the early dusk. Summer to thank for the introduction, now almost winter.
Being nourished morning and evening helps managing holidays without as much dread. Life. To be surrounded with love. People that I know are in grief, loss of family, loss of friend, some cases threat of loss of economic viability, home, aware dreadful change has brought me to this new place.
Deciding for life while enmeshed in death makes this new vitality more appreciated. Choices made while flailing around sometimes actually do work out, a lot hasn't, some still waiting an outcome. In the meantime beginning to hit my stride. Finding compatibility, joyful anticipation, humor, discovery, shared surprise, appreciation, deep respect and care. I am grateful.
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At our neighborhood restaurant
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